The Wrong Side of the Road, Part 1

Dear all,

The next few installments of T Time, will be dedicated to driving on the wrong side of the road, something I do frequently when I return to the US.

In the UK, you are able to get your license around your 18^th birthday.  As foreigners, we were allowed to legally drive on our US licenses for up to one year, so, of course, J and I drove for over TWO years before finally getting motivated to get our UK licenses.   All of our British friends offered encouragement and even J’s work friends joined in the fun.  He was offered ‘an incentive program’ whereby Human Resources took away the keys to his company car until he could produce a valid UK license.  We love the Human Resources Department.   They are always thinking up kooky things to keep us on our toes:  taking away car keys one week and forgetting to transfer J’s paycheck the next.  What jokesters. 

Like so many other worthwhile and wonderful things, procurement of a UK license takes time. A UK license is for life so they do not mess around when it comes to testing.  You are required to take the written Theory Test first, and then a couple months later, you take a driving test.  The written test is more difficult than you might imagine because, for one, speed limits are often not posted; you need to learn what the national speed limit is on every type of road.  Also, all the distances are in metric, which I have never bothered to learn.   But above all, the exam is tough because the employees at the Driving Standards Agency are just barking mad. 

Here are some sample questions:

1. You are checking your trailer tyres.  What is the legal minimum tread depth over the central three quarters of its breadth? 

2. Where may you overtake on a one-way street?

3. You are signaling to turn right in busy traffic.  How would you confirm your intention safely? 

4. Where would you see a contra-flow bus and cycle lane?

5. At puffin crossings, which light will not show to a driver?

6. How long will a Statutory Off Road Notification (SCORN) last for? (bad grammar, by the way)

7. There are no speed limit signs on the road.  How is a 30 mph limit indicated?

8. Powered vehicles, such as wheelchairs or scooters, used by disabled people have a maximum speed of?

9. Which three emergency services MIGHT have blue flashing beacons? 

10. You are waiting to emerge at a junction.  Your view is restricted by parked vehicles.  What can help you to see traffic on the road you are joining?

Just for the record, I got 100% on my Theory Test.  J did not, but you can bet I was very mature about the whole thing.  It isn’t about who got the better grade, it is just about being safe.    

You study for your written exam and while doing so you must get drivers training.  It isn’t enough that you have been driving for 25 or 30 years.  You will not pass without help.  You must hire a meek and mild man with thinning hair and loads of patience to re-teach you how to drive. 

The cornerstone of the UK driving test is reversing down a road and into a side street.  This is frowned upon in the US, but in the UK it is necessary to perform this maneuver nearly every time you get behind the wheel of a car, so it is a pretty important skill.  You will be tested on parallel parking.  If you so much as touch the curb, it is an automatic failure.  It’s considered loss of control. You will be taken down several different roads and you must know the speed limit of each.

It is worth noting that I passed the driving test on my first try.   For the sake of comparison ONLY, you may be interested to know that it took J THREE times.  I think it’s important you focus on J’s eventual success, not on his NUMEROUS failures.  As I said previously, it is all about safety, not about who is the better driver (me, obviously). 

I continue to be a resource for J whenever we travel together.  I’m like a walking, talking Theory Test Study Guide.  When I note that his driving isn’t at the 100% marker or I sense he is feeling too shy to ask for my driving advice (which I encourage), I like to help him by pointing out ways he could improve his driving skills.  Peppering him with facts from the theory books is very effective. 

If that doesn’t correct an unsafe situation, I engage a three-pronged approach wherein I first take the Lord’s name in vain, then use a strong and offensive swear word (depending on the extremity of the situation and how much time I have to get my point across, I might choose to combine these first two steps).  Lastly, I ask a very pointed, leading question in a cheerful, but firm voice.  It goes something like this, “Jesus H. Christ!  F**K!  Would you slow down?!” 

Often this technique works, though often enough we end up skidding off the road.  This method has the added benefit of greatly increasing our marital communication, thus killing two birds with one stone.  Lots of heartfelt and lively banter ensues.  Everyone wins. 

With love from England,

T-Ann 

P.S.  The answers to the questions above are:

1. 1.6 mm
2. Either on the right hand or the left hand
3. Arm signal (as if…)
4. On a one way street
5. Amber flashing (assuming you know the difference between a zebra, puffin, pelican and staggered crossing)
6. 12 months
7. Street lights
8. 8 mph (which I know for a fact is WRONG, because there is an old lady in our neighborhood who cruises in her wheelchair, doing about 40 mph in the rain while smoking, talking on her mobile phone and shouting vulgarities at anyone in her way)
9. Coast guard, bomb disposal, mountain rescue
10. Reflections of traffic in shop windows